I can no longer doubt my existence. I have both positives and negatives.
I do get angry and irritated and yet I try to suppress how I feel for fear of lashing out on others. I do judge and am critical of others and yet I am afraid of hurting others. I do snap and say hurtful words, especially when I am pre-menstruating. I love peace and harmony amongst my friends and family. Yet there are people I do not enjoy spending time with and rather not meet them at all. I love the idea of an adventure but I feel the fear and excitement all at the same time. I am confused. I hate confrontations and emotionally draining drama. Yet contrast and drama spice up our lives and teaches us a smacking good lesson. I can be a good listener, pleasant and smiling. But I am judging you, you just don’t know it. I feel like a chameleon being able to adapt so well that I am starting to lose my identity. Deep down I dislike labels and stereotypes. I always say it is the person that counts, not the gender. Yet sometimes I just wanted to take the easy way out and fit into labels instead of fighting. I am chatty and at the same time I enjoy time and space alone.
So yes I am complicated and I am the same coin with two sides.
How can self be a selfish concept?
Without being able to exist as who I am, how can I ever have a meaningful-joyful-peaceful life?
I am, therefore I am.