It has been 3 years since we last spoke. The reason why we stopped speaking because you were always so demanding towards me. And I became tired.
“Why didn’t you arrange the time and date with me first?” – so I cannot arrange with other friends first in a group outing.
“Can you drop me home? It is not that far, why can’t you just do that?” – even when I wasn’t well or it is totally out of the way.
“I am always here for you. You have to give me priority.” – Even prioritise her over my partner?
A few times, I thought that you were being considerate to me in terms of when and where to meet. Actually it was always to your convenience.
And your reason “Because we are best friends.”
I appreciate you remembering my birthday every year. You wished me this year as always and we caught up a little on text messages.
I realised that your demanding tone is still the same even though we have not spoken for 3 years. We have “broken up” and I thought your reason was no longer valid.
I finally understood.
The energy dynamics of people in a relationship do not really change over time.
In a healthy and comfortable relationship, energy flows both ways. Giving and taking occurs simultaneously. If energy flows dominantly one way, the person giving will always feel drained and tired. And the person’s giving has likely become an energetic habit. That is why we always wonder why an abused person finds it hard to stand up to the abuser, the bullied finds it hard to stand up to the bully.
We have heard a saying “A cheating spouse will always cheat.” And yet when the previously cheating spouse enters another relationship, he/she can stay faithful and committed. It is most likely the energy dynamics of the two person in the relationship is different.
Growth of a relationship happens when the energy dynamics of the relationship changes and moves into a more balanced state. This happens when the taker starts to be more considerate and giver learns to say “No”. The taker extends himself/herself to be aware and change his/her habits of taking. The giver learns to observe the boundaries and asserts whenever necessary.
It takes love and commitment for a relationship to grow.
It is only through real love that change can take place without sabotaging the relationship.
Real love for the other person and real love for ourself.