I had a 11 November meditation last night at Ame’s. It was their 3-year Anniversary 11.11 meditation. The theme was Envisioning New Beginnings.
So we started the meditation with grounding before proceeding on to the next part of envisioning our new beginnings for path ahead. We could either visualize in general or in detail what we would like the new path to be. However, we could also let the visions come to us.
And for me, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to visualize. Maybe grow spiritually? Maybe do better in my career? Maybe more abundance? Maybe, maybe, maybe………. I am using logic again. When it comes to manifesting, I really don’t know. Sometimes I want everything, sometimes I want nothing and just go with the flow.
Before I know it. I saw two huge words – Psychic Abilities. And I found my inner voice spoke with utmost certainty (almost like a declaration) – “……………….”. The statement was related to the two words I saw and it was short and sweet. But I forgot the exact statement 😦 however it had a feeling of finally embracing who I am and admitting to having the abilities (I am almost embarrassed to write this ….. because I am a left-brain – physics teacher).
Soon after my inner voice made the statement, I felt doubt and fear rising in my heart chakra. At the instant, we were guided by our healer to place any fear/doubt arising into a crystal ball held by our guides/angels. I was like.. Thank goodness.
So the meditation was fruitful and always leave me seeking …hmm.
Honestly, I was curious about Metaphysical related things and yet was afraid of the unknown/unseen as well. So it always sounds cool when I hear of people having psychic abilities and even wondered how it would be like to have such abilities.
As I started my meditation/energy work on myself, I realized that I am becoming more sensitive to energy. I was already quite sensitive previously before my spiritual journey. These days, randomly I would feel pressure differences on my chest, tightness in my stomach, buzzing , gush of heat on my back, sadness and anxiety (And I know it isn’t time for PMS). And I have no previous history of any psychological issues.
The problem is when I randomly feel this feelings, I am unable to discern. Are the feelings mine? Is it my own energy? Is it an entity? Is it energy of the people around me? What does it mean? Whose energy is it? Is this what they call undeveloped psychic abilities? Is this suppose to be useful as a school teacher? How is this my path ahead? I am still at times fearful of what I feel or see. Although most of the times, I can stand firm and protect my space. I guess I am fearful of the unknown? I do not underestimate things like this. I do have a healer/psychic/medium I go to for energy healing etc. I just cannot possibly keep asking when I feel these feelings randomly daily? How do I discern – I don’t want to be overly suspicious of what I feel or see?
I had this realization that there is no point fearing (hence I was exploring fear a few days ago). I am no longer as fearful when I realize that whatever I feel/see can possibly be useful.
As I blabber on, I realize the first thing I have to do is to connect with my guardian angels and spirit guides. If I can hear them clearly, they will guide me through this. And I can embark on opening up my abilities and make it useful. (OMG, Do I sound weird?)
I totally need to embrace this part of me. Actually I am kind of excited and it feels right.