I have heard stories about gurus or becoming disciple. It is a classical or traditional concept. Gurus are more than a typical teacher in the modern day sense.
Gurus (according to the wikipedia) is a spiritual teacher who guides and shares experiences and knowledge to help one attain his/her potential.
As I embraced my spiritual side, I started wondering who is my guru this life.
Do I have one guru who will be know the guidance to give from moment to moment?
Is it possible to be one’s own guru who works on one Self and be awaken by sheer observation of life?
As am the crops, who is the dam and sluice in my life?
Love is courage to let go of the manipulation you have over another and let them choose freely, allowing them to grow into who they can become.
If I was 19,
I couldn’t have started toward being a spiritual teacher because I would be too young.
Too young to know better
Too young to be aware
Too young to have anything to offer
I am 40
I couldn’t start either
Too old to fail
Too old to start anew
Too old to feel embarrassed
In this present moment
Not too young to offer
Not too old to start anew
Not too young to serve
Not too old to learn
My heart must be ready.
When will I know what it would be?
When I have the courage to acknowledge.
When I have the strength to carry forth.
When I trust myself to take action.
When I feel ready to serve.
Since I started reading Dr John E Sarno’s book, I am beginning to suspect I have TMS. TMS is not a disease or illness. A name for the syndrome discovered by Dr Sarno for those whose emotional strain/stress cause their brain to deprive certain part of the body with oxygen and hence causing pain.
On the day of the alleged injury/day of worsen pain, I was not even practicing “dangerous” yoga poses. It was as simple as Sun Salutation flow and Wheel pose for my backache.
As I reflect, I remembered the Saturday before I was surprised that I had no more pull on my left leg, no pain in the back and no knee pain. So I thought I have recovered completely and had such a good workout in the hot flow class. A 3-4 days later, the pain surfaced and I attribute it to my home yoga practice. I have a positive MRI disc showing a huge bulge (my orthopedic calls it Slipped Disc).
I was shocked but I went into a “I am going to journal my recovery” and “I am going to be strong”. Basically my life revolved around my injured poor back. I felt physically and mentally weak and almost see myself as a disabled person. Someone who cannot do this and cannot do that. My partner would help me with many things i.e. mopping of floor, carrying of bags. I became so cautious I forgot how to move naturally. I felt sad that my life changed, no more hot flow yoga I looked forward to. It was painful in the morning and painful if I sat for too long etc.
When someone asked me how I got injured, I attributed it to the day I did my home yoga practice and possibly a weak unbalanced back (ever since my chiropractic treatments – that is another story) and a poor lifting habit for the past 30 years. But really? Are these the reasons? I am not convinced. If I do not get backache with a pinched nerve, I do not believe my nerve is a single bandwidth, why would there be huge pain from this?
And hence I suspect it is something psychological and emotional causing oxygen deprivation to parts of my body causing tension and pain.
I have decided to go on this journey into my unconscious.
I believe that my body is perfectly fine and strong. It is definitely not the reason why my muscles are in spasm or back feeling pain or pain referring to my legs. My body has always been so strong, flexible and able to heal.
I seek to dig deep.
Me: Hey Ryan, did you bring your workbook? (He has not brought his books 4 times.)
Ryan: Yes! That was the first thing I put in my bag yesterday when I got home.
Me (Smiled): Great!
I thought to myself. Patience is necessary in education.
Ben: There is one to one consultation today?
Me (wondered if he is prepared for consultation, did he even put in his own effort or just want to be reliant on me?): Ok, what do you want to consult on?
Ben: My exam paper.
Me (thought I just meet him and see how it goes, this boy is usually resistance to advice/suggestion and I will knock sense into him… ): Ok, I see you today at 3pm.
It went better than expected. His exam paper showed he knows how to do some questions but he is superficial in his answering. He was less resistance today and I encouraged him to persevere with his effort.
I thought to myself. Reserve my judgement and be in the moment, see how it goes.
Iyengar was once asked “What makes a yoga master?”
We expect a typical reply such as Just Practice.
He said that it is all about balance. He raised his finger and said that the front, back, left and right of this finger is balanced.
I realised it is this simple.
We are all born with imbalance. How do we balance the imbalance or do we learn to embrace this imbalance?
PS: I read this from an article online but cannot seem to find the source.
Check out these stretches for back
Since I herniated my disc, I have practised these stretches as advised by my orthopedic, Dr James.
You can find many recommended stretches for slipped disc online. However, one stretch cannot fit all back injury. Mine is posterior disc herniation. Bending forward and rounding of the back is a huge NO.
These are the stretches I have been doing and are safe for a posterior disc bulge. But now I remember to listen to my body.
Is it just me?
I have always read about people blogging and become famous. People blog about food, blog about fashion. And me, I was planning to blog too….about my spiritual journey. I procrastinated forever.
Now, finally and weirdly, I have a physical injury which motivated me to blog about my physical, emotional and healing journey (also a spiritual journey for me). The inspiration to blog about it takes me away from feeling depress about it. I cried on the day I was diagnosed because it just didn’t occur to me that now my physical activities will be affected. I have a physical weakness now to be careful about. (Pissed me off and at the same time….. motivates me…. very confusing for me)
Anyway, now I realised…..
The toughest part about blogging is doing it consistently! I have always thought those famous bloggers are just eating, shopping and travelling? How do they find time to blog about it properly, in a truly engaging manner?!
And those who blog about very informative stuff like finances, marketing, coaching…. a lot of planning, organising of information and research of the blog post is involved.
How do people blog consistently and still stay engaging and interesting……?
In place of my weekly yoga classes (which I cannot do at the moment), I did a solitude walk instead and decided to share a few photos with you here.
Definitely want to keep myself exercising and active, hence more solitude walks coming up!
Visit my new blog for authentic sharing and journey : http://www.enrouteinward.com